you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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