i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
