was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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