I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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