I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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