I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
