he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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