Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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