I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
