i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
