Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
