Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize