we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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