you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
