im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize