I just cut my nipple shaving
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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