You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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