Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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