You just made me feel so damn special
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
