i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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