can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
