You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
