Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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