Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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