she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
