My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
