He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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