I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
