you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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