So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
