I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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