Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize