I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
