we have officially lost it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
