Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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