unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
