There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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