I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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