Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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