Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
