i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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