i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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