Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
