I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
