naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
