Betty ford says i'm here all night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
