you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
