i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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