her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
