I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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