The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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