I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
