winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
