woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
