You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
