I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
