I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
