Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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