I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
