so that wasnt chicken after all
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
