what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
