Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so much tequila, so little girl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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