And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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