I love black thongs
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
