Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was confusing and full of hummus
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Are these your boobs on my camera?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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