I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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