oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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