This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
