To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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