the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
