I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
