My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
sex in a hospital.. check
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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