the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
