Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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