Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My cat gives me a boner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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