turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
